it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
