puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
