help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
