I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
