I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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