hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
