ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
