He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just high enough for therapy.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
