If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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