Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
