So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
