I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
