omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
