The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
