moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
