apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
They are going to name an STD after you.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
