I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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