Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
