My sheets look like a crime scene.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
