It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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