hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
