im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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