The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
