i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
