i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
