what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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