FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
