I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
