Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
