I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
