What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
