"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
