we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
