I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
