Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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