What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
im holly from the hills drunk
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I need to sanitize my soul.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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