Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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