Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
