Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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