Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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