I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
