so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
