I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
