Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
