only if we run a train.
done.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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