R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
