I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
