he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
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