Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
