Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
