i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
