Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
