I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
tell me about the eggs
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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