I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
