Me. At least after what I've been through.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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