I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
