Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
