she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
